“Give It to Him”: Sexual Violence in the Intimate Relationships of Black Married Women in South Africa

Abstract

Studies have shown that violent, unwanted, and coerced sexual intercourse remains a common, normalized experience for many women in heterosexual relationships. While some studies have examined gender-based violence in South Africa, particularly in the form of physical abuse or intimate partner violence, no previous work has simply asked Black married women how they make sense of coercive sexual experiences, or even rape, nor inquired why they continue to tolerate these experiences despite the rights and dignity guaranteed by the South African Constitution. This question is important in the context of marriages where ilobolo (bride wealth) has been paid. With the payment of ilobolo, a new set of expectations regarding sexuality for married women emerges. It is within the context of these new expectations that this study seeks to explore sexual violence, such as marital rape, and women’s agency. By analyzing qualitative narratives from semistructured interviews with Black married South African women between the ages of forty and sixty-two from rural and township areas, we examine how these women interpret experiences of rape and sexual coercion in their intimate relationships with their husbands. The analysis centers on the women’s experiences and perceptions, and it illuminates that these Black married women see their bodies, and by extension their sexuality, as belonging to their husbands, especially because ilobolo was paid for them when they got married. A significant finding of this study is that very few women see sexual coercion as a problem that needs to be remedied, and this is encouraged by their families. Instead, the Black women in this study make sense of sexual violence within marriage in various ways. These include beliefs about how to behave as a woman in marriage, notions of self-sacrifice for the family’s stability, and for some, outright refusal when they are not interested in sex. Ultimately, the study explores some contradictory ways in which women assume their sexual agency in marriage while simultaneously engaging in unwanted and forced sex.