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The Five Stages of Grief: Do You Really Understand the Deeper Meaning of Each Stage?
Loss is inevitable in our lives, especially when faced with a tragedy like suicide. According to statistics, more than 800,000 people die by suicide every year. The cruel impact of suicide is not only on the person who died, but also on those who survived the loss. Many studies have shown that for every suicide, there are approximately 135 people who are connected to the deceased, not just the "six survivor victims" that are often mentioned. This makes us rethink the true nature of the pain and loss that suicide brings.
Sadness is not just a personal emotion, it also affects the entire society. How to understand and deal with this pain is particularly important.
For those who lose a loved one to suicide, the challenges they face are often different from those faced with other types of loss. They experience heightened levels of blame, stigma, shame, and feelings of rejection. Across 41 studies, it was shown that suicide survivors often experience a delayed healing process, which further complicates their grief.
Complicated Grief
Complicated grief is a state of grief in which symptoms do not improve over time. Research shows that about 10 to 20 percent of survivors develop complicated grief. These people experience physical impairment in their daily lives, accompanied by painful feelings. These symptoms, if left untreated, will persist, which has led to the development of complicated grief treatments.
The Five Stages of Grief
Swiss-American psychiatrist Elizabeth Cooper-Ross developed a model outlining five stages of grief that an individual may go through after a loss. These stages do not necessarily occur in order, and you do not necessarily experience them all. The following is a brief introduction to the five stages:
Denial: Through this stage, individuals are able to reduce the stress of dealing with the loss by postponing the pain while they struggle to process the painful images.
Anger: During this stage, the individual begins to adjust to the new reality and experiences extreme discomfort. Anger is often the first feeling to accompany the loss.
Transaction: In this stage, the individual attempts to negotiate with some higher power.
Depression: During the grieving process, the individual must face the reality of loss due to a failed transaction. At this time, they are more likely to internalize their feelings, experience extreme sadness, and may face loneliness.
Acceptance: In the final stage, the individual no longer resists reality, which is mainly accompanied by sadness and regret.
Suicide risk
People who have lost someone by suicide are at higher risk for suicidal ideation than those who have lost someone else. Results showed that those who had lost someone by suicide were 1.6 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts, 2.9 times more likely to have made a suicide plan, and 3.7 times more likely to have actually attempted suicide, according to the 2002 study. These individuals may believe that suicide is the only way to resolve their pain.
Social stigma
While social stigma around suicide is decreasing, it still remains a social taboo compared to other types of death. People who experience loss often report discomfort communicating about this tragedy with others, and some religions have stigmatizing attitudes toward people who commit suicide. This causes suicide survivors to feel ashamed within religious communities and find it difficult to share their pain. Insurance policies’ exclusion of suicide deaths further hinders their healing process.
Treatment methods
Support Groups
Support groups are important for people who have lost someone to suicide because they provide a non-threatening space where they can feel emotionally released from similar situations. Often, a single suicide bereavement support group is more helpful than a broader bereavement support group. These groups can provide emotional recognition and sharing of advice for special events, such as holidays and conversations with others. You can find related groups through the International Association of Bereaved Suicide (IASP) website.
Psychotherapy
Relying solely on support groups may not be enough for those who develop mental illnesses such as major depression or post-traumatic stress disorder. People who have been bereaved by suicide should seek help from a clinician who specializes in psychotherapy. A combination of education, psychotherapy, and medication has been shown to be the most effective treatment option.
Complicated Grief TreatmentComplicated Grief Treatment (CGT) combines cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), exposure therapy, and motivational interviewing. This psychotherapy facilitates the important process of accepting loss. Combining exposure techniques with cognitive restructuring methods, it helps individuals improve their life satisfaction and regain meaningful relationships with others.
As with every stage of grief, the process is not linear, especially for those who have lost someone by suicide. In such a struggle, how can we help them get out of the haze and regain hope?
