Julie Kuehnel

Handbook of marital therapy : a positive approach to helping troubled relationships

1 General Guidelines and Principles.- 2 Getting Started.- 3 Planning Recreational and Leisure Time.- 4 Communicating: Awareness of Reciprocity.- 5 Communicating: The Arts of Listening and Effectively Expressing Feelings.- 6 Giving and Getting: Marital Contracts.- 7 Ending.- 8 Solving Special Problems.- 9 Summary.- 10 Suggested Session Outlines for Marital Therapy.- Annotated Bibliography of Research on Behavioral Approaches to Marital Therapy.

Suggested Session Outlines for Marital Therapy

Throughout this book, marital therapy has been viewed both as a problem-solving and an enrichment approach to marriages. We have offered suggestions and directions for conducting marital therapy in group settings as well as in the conjoint format with one couple alone. As it attempts to strengthen the unique relationship between partners in a wide diversity of couples, marital therapy has to remain flexible in the hands of the therapist or counselor. Therapists can become comfortable with our theoretical model and set of treatment techniques by incorporating these into their own personal and professional experiences and clinical style. Likewise, each couple should flexibly engage in the activities suggested in this manual, building on their unique histories as persons and as a couple. The variety and complexity of marital problems and growth possibilities make it necessary for the therapist to serve as a mediator and adaptor between this handbook and therapy. While we recognize the need to individualize and personalize the procedures of marital therapy, we would like to present in this chapter a therapist’s guide, made up of outlines for a complete set of therapy sessions.

General Guidelines and Principles

This chapter provides an overview of the empirical and theoretical background and general guidelines for the social learning approach to marital therapy described in this manual. This bird’s-eye view is important for two reasons. First, it provides a conceptual framework for understanding the various therapy techniques. Second, a grasp of the underlying theoretical principles, basic assumptions, and their empirical support will be helpful in guiding the therapist when unanticipated problems occur.

Giving and Getting: Marital Contracts

The contracting process can be one of the most important skills that couples learn in therapy. Contracts between marriage partners are not a new or revolutionary idea. The ketubah, the ancient Jewish marriage contract, determined certain obligations of husband and wife to one another. As tribes and clans evolved into political entities, the state began to dictate how individuals were to become and remain married. In this way, many provisions from ancient marriage contracts were assimilated into legal statutes or common law, while others continued as traditions or customs. Thus, the revival of personal contracts between marriage partners has historical precedent. One difference between the historical and current therapeutic use of marriage contracts is that contemporary contracting is done with couples who are already married and who are experiencing discomfort in their relationship.

Communicating: Awareness of Reciprocity

Good communication is essential for healthy couples. Communicating feelings and transmitting information are the keys to a satisfying relationship and the cement of the marital union.

Communicating: The Arts of Listening and Effectively Expressing Feelings

For effective communication, both what we say and how we say it are important. Becoming aware of the pleases that are wanted by a spouse is a tremendous step forward in the communication process, but knowing what to say without the ability to transmit the message can transform intended pleases into bombshells. In this chapter we explore the skills of listening and expressing that determine personal effectiveness and marital satisfaction.