Cheryl Harasymchuk

Finding meaning in a traumatic loss: A families approach†

Meaning-making, like much of coping research, has been conceptualized and assessed as an individual-centered phenomenon. On the premise that most traumas affect families as a whole, we assessed the extent to which meanings following a traumatic loss were congruent within families. Qualitative and quantitative data from family members coping with the loss of a family member in a mine explosion indicated moderate family congruence in meanings and global well-being. Furthermore, greater family similarity in meaning was associated with less depressive affect in individuals (pseudo R(2) = .063), but was not associated with individual differences in well-being. The research highlights the important role that families play in coping with trauma.

Compassionate love in romantic relationships A review and some new findings

Compassionate love has been identified as one of the major types of love experienced in relationships (Berscheid, 2010), but one that has been overshadowed by the study of romantic love. In this article, we review research on compassionate love, a relative newcomer to the close relationships field, and present findings that more fully flesh-out the nature of the experience of this kind of love. We begin by discussing conceptions and measurement of compassionate love. We then present a study on the relation between compassionate love and love styles, with a focus on distinguishing between compassionate love and the agape (altruistic) love style. The literature on individual differences in compassionate love is discussed next. The spotlight then shifts to research on the link between compassionate love and prosocial relationship behaviors, relationship quality, and relationship stability. Differences between compassionate love given versus received also are highlighted. We end with a discussion of what compassionate love “looks like” in the context of a romantic relationship and recommend directions for future research.

A prototype analysis of relational boredom

Boredom has been described as a major obstacle to maintaining lasting love (Aron & Aron (1986). However, empirical research on this important challenge to relationship maintenance has been hampered by the lack of an agreed-upon definition of the construct. We tested the hypothesis that relational boredom is amenable to a prototype conceptualization. In study 1, participants provided prototypicality ratings for the features of relational boredom. Features such as “lack of interest in partner” and “no longer exciting” were considered prototypical of the construct, whereas features such as “nothing in common” and “too similar” were considered nonprototypical. We confirmed this prototype structure in the remaining studies. In study 2, when information that a couple was experiencing boredom was given, participants were more likely to infer that prototypical, than nonprototypical, features characterized the relationship. In study 3, the prototypical features were verified more quickly than the nonprototypical features in a reaction time task. In study 4, when a relationship was described in terms of prototypical, rather than nonprototypical, features of boredom, participants inferred greater boredom in the relationship. Moreover, these inferences were drawn more strongly for boredom than another negative relational state, namely conflict. Implications of these findings for theorizing and research on relational boredom are discussed.

Perceptions of locus of control and satisfaction in friendships: The impact of problem-solving strategies

When asked about their perceptions of close others, individuals project their own feelings, attitudes, and relationship views onto these individuals. These perceptions may or may not be accurate but should influence relationship judgments. We found that women’s perceptions of their same-sex friend’s external locus of control predicted higher reports of own and perceptions of the friend’s use of destructive problem-solving behaviors. Perceived friend’s external locus of control was also related to lower levels of own and perceptions of the friend’s satisfaction. These locus of control-satisfaction relations were mediated by the problem-solving behaviors. For men’s same-sex friendships, locus of control did not predict problem-solving behaviors but perceived friend’s locus of control (both internal and external) predicted own satisfaction.

Responses to dissatisfaction in friendships and romantic relationships: An interpersonal script analysis

According to interpersonal script models, people’s responses to relational events are shaped by the reaction they expect from a close other. We analyzed responses to dissatisfaction in close relationships from an interpersonal script perspective. Participants reported on how a close friend or romantic partner would react to their expressions of dissatisfaction (using the exit-voice-loyalty-neglect typology). They were also asked to forecast whether the issue would be resolved (i.e., anticipated outcomes). Our main hypothesis was that people’s expectations for how a close other would respond to dissatisfaction would be dependent on their own self response. Further, we predicted that passive responses would be more common and viewed as less deleterious to a friendship than a romantic relationship. Results indicated that the responses that were expected from close others were contingent on how self responded. Moreover, as predicted, these contingencies followed different tracks depending on the type of relationship. Friends were more likely to expect passive responses to self’s expression of dissatisfaction, especially if self responded with neglect, whereas romantic partners expected more active responses. Furthermore, people anticipated that the issue would be more likely to be resolved if their friend (vs. romantic partner) responded passively and less actively (especially for destructive responses). It was concluded that people hold complex, nuanced interpersonal scripts for dissatisfaction and that these scripts vary, depending on the relationship context.

Giving in the bedroom: The costs and benefits of responding to a partner’s sexual needs in daily life

A common reason why people in ongoing romantic relationships report engaging in sex with their partner—in addition to pursuing their own pleasure—is to meet their partner’s sexual needs. While meeting a partner’s needs with responsiveness and care is crucial in romantic relationships, it is important, especially in the domain of sexuality, that people do not neglect their own needs when meeting the needs of their partner. In a 21-day daily experience study of both members of 122 romantic couples recruited from the community, we tested whether being responsive to a partner’s sexual needs (i.e., high sexual communal strength) and focusing on a partner’s needs while neglecting one’s own needs (i.e., high unmitigated sexual communion) were associated with both partners’ daily sexual and relationship satisfaction. We also tested attention to positive partner-focused and negative self-focused cues during the sexual experience as novel mechanisms of these effects. The results generally showed that on days when people (or their romantic partner) reported higher sexual communal strength, they reported greater attention to positive partner-focused sexual cues and, in turn, both partners experienced greater daily sexual and relationship satisfaction. In contrast, on days when people reported higher unmitigated sexual communion, they reported greater attention to negative self-focused sexual cues and, in turn, experienced lower relationship and sexual satisfaction, although these effects did not extend to their romantic partner. Implications of the results for promoting higher quality sexual experiences and relationships are discussed.

Broadening your horizons: Self-expanding activities promote desire and satisfaction in established romantic relationships.

In the early stages of romantic relationships, sexual desire is often intense, but over time, as partners get to know each other, desire tends to decline. Low sexual desire has negative implications for relationship satisfaction and maintenance. Self-expansion theory suggests that engaging in novel activities with a long-term romantic partner can reignite feelings of passion from the early stages of a relationship. Across 3 studies using dyadic, daily experience, longitudinal, and experimental methods, we find evidence for our central prediction that engaging in self-expanding activities with a partner is associated with higher sexual desire. In turn, we found that higher desire fueled by self-expansion is associated with greater relationship satisfaction. Self-expansion, through sexual desire, is also associated with an increased likelihood that couples will engage in sex, and when they do engage in sex, they feel more satisfied with their sexual experiences. We also demonstrate that the benefits of self-expansion for relationship satisfaction are sustained over time, and that the effects cannot be attributed solely to increases in positive affect, time spent interacting with the partner or closeness during the activity. Implications for self-expansion theory and sexual desire maintenance in relationships are discussed.

A prototype matching model of satisfaction in same-sex friendships

The hypothesis that people experience greater friendship satisfaction when their friendship matches the prototype of intimacy interactions was tested. Consistent with this hypothesis, both women and men reported the greatest satisfaction when their “real-world” friendship matched the prototype of intimacy interactions. This relation was even stronger when the friendship matched prototypical intimacy interaction patterns (e.g., self-disclosure) than when it matched nonprototypical patterns (e.g., practical support). Thus, there is evidence that people rely on relational knowledge—in this case, complex knowledge of patterns of relating—when evaluating the quality of their friendships.

Spicing up the relationship? The effects of relational boredom on shared activities

The goal of this study was to examine how people respond to relational boredom in the context of growth-enhancing (i.e., novel) and security-restorative (i.e., familiar) shared activities. In Study 1, people’s prescriptive and descriptive beliefs for responding to relational boredom were assessed. Next, we developed a prime of relational boredom (Study 2a) and examined its effects on behavioral intentions for shared activities (Studies 2b and 3) as well as qualities of a planned date (Study 3). In Study 1, people thought they should engage in more growth-enhancing novel activities when bored (but not more security-restorative ones). However, for likely ratings (Study 1) and behavioral intentions (Studies 2b and 3), there were inconsistent findings for the idea that boredom prompts novel shared activities. Instead, in the context of relational boredom, people consistently displayed a pattern of being less likely to engage in security-restorative familiar shared activities.